Following a Person, not a Rule

I don't know about you, but I like to know what I'm supposed to do.  Rules are reassuring to me; they show me what to do and what not to do; they tend to be very clear, black-and-white.  If I know what the rule is, then I can be more certain what I'm supposed to do.  

But the thing about the Christian faith is that we follow a Person, not a set of rules.

This is good news, and this is bad news.

This is bad news because following a Person is sometimes less clear, less obvious, and less certain than following a rule.  A rule is something you can know about in advance.  A rule is something you can have in writing.  A rule is something you can hide behind if others don't like what you're doing.  ("Why are you yelling at me?  I'm just following the rule.")

Following a person, on the other hand, won't necessarily tell you what to do ahead of time.  It requires you to trust the person.  To be willing to go where the person leads you.  Those of us who like absolute certainty and clarity are going to need to learn to let go of some of those things, and to embrace things like trust, risk, and willingness.

A rule can never love you.  A person can.  That makes all the difference.  In the case of Jesus (the Person in question), his love for us is the foundational promise.  "Jesus loves me (and you and you and you and you).  This I know."  If you make a mistake, a rule will crush you.  When you make a mistake, this Person will hold you and embrace you.  When you aren't sure that you have the necessary strength and courage to do something, a rule will threaten you.  This Person, however, will stand with you, hold your hand, and walk all the way through with you.

That's why this is really good news.  Disciples of Jesus are not following a set of rules.  We are following a Person.

Bearing our differences

One of the moments when "loving your neighbor as yourself" becomes challenging is when there are genuine differences of opinion between you and your neighbor.  When you believe strongly about an issue, and your neighbor believes the opposite, the question becomes, "What does love look like in this situation?"

What does it mean to love your neighbor who thinks differently from you?  Does it mean to try and convince them of your position?  Does it mean to defer to them and adopt their position?  Does it mean to say, "Let's agree to disagree," and then go your separate ways?  Does it mean to try and find a place of middle-ground where no one is really satisfied?

There may be times when each of these is appropriate, but I believe that another approach can be to honor your neighbor's perspective, and to honor your own perspective, at the same time.  This is a more patient approach that does not seek immediate results.  It calls on us to bear the differences between us, to hold the differences, to seek to be something of a container for the differences until a resolution presents itself.  If a resolution does not present itself, does not unfold immediately, then we stay connected to each other, holding our differences with as much respect and grace as we can.

This way may not produce immediate results.  Some will say that this way is not practical.  But this approach invites us to honor both sides of a disagreement, without force or capitulation.  It allows us to love our neighbor and to love ourselves, at the same time.

But Isn't Loving Yourself Selfish???

Many Christians have a very difficult time loving themselves well.  Some of this difficulty may be connected with negative experiences earlier in our lives - experiences of not being valued, cherished, honored by others who were important to us.  We were given the message that we were not love-able.

But some of the difficulty may also be connected to the assumption that Christians, by definition, do not love themselves.  They love others.  If you love yourself -- according to this line of thinking -- you are being selfish and sinful.  This way of thinking understands Jesus' comment (in Mark 12:30; Matthew 22:37; Luke 10:27) to be "love your neighbor more than you love yourselves."  Or even, "love your neighbor instead of loving yourselves."

But Jesus - quoting Leviticus 19:18 - says, "Love your neighbor as yourself."  We are to love our neighbors as though we were in their place.  Love your neighbor the way you love yourself.

If we treat ourselves poorly -- if we neglect our own needs, if we ignore our own dreams and passions -- then we will likely treat others poorly, as well.  We will be far more likely to resent our neighbor, to feel like we are being such holy martyrs, and we will not be much fun to be around.  Others will be able to sense that we are not loving them whole-heartedly and joyfully and genuinely.  We shouldn't be surprised if they don't appreciate it when they sense that we are thinking, "I am only loving you because I'm supposed to.  Now you better be grateful!"

The question is, What does it look like to love yourself well?

love God. love neighbor. love yourself.

This blog will be a place for conversation and reflection about what I call the "three-fold guideline for life."  A highly-educated person once asked Jesus, "Which commandment in the law is the greatest?"  (In our day, we might say, "How can a person live well?  How can I have a meaningful life?  What's the most important thing?"  In Jesus' day, this person talked about 'the greatest commandment.')

In response, Jesus said, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind."  (There will be no throwing out your brain, and just mindlessly following orders with Jesus.)  He then immediately went on to say, "A second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'"  (If you want to read the text in the Bible, you can go here.)

Some people may say this is a two-fold commandment -- love God, love neighbor.

But I believe Jesus' commandment is three-fold -- love God, love neighbor, love yourself.

All three are crucial.

If we leave out any one of the three, our lives will be impoverished.

When we pursue all three, our lives can be grounded, joyful, and strong.

Some of the time, we need to focus more of our attention on God.  Other times, we will find that we are not giving enough attention to our neighbors.  And there will also be times when we will find that we are not giving enough attention to ourselves - to our dreams, to our own needs, to our own passionately held convictions.

We've gotta be doing all three.  That's what we'll be doing with and through this blog.  Come along and join the fun.

Let's Go!

Let the adventure begin.  I'm rather late to the whole blogging scene, but am excited to be here.  (Better late than never...)  For those of you who have been blogging for years now, I'm glad to be among you now.  For those of you who - like me - have held back from blogging, let me invite you to jump in, too.  (If I can do it, believe me, anyone can.)  Let's go!