Lean Into the Difficulty

With some regularity, things happen in our lives that cause us frustration or anxiety or fear.  It's like that whether we're on the highway, or in the workplace, or on the playground.  Life's just like that.  A really important question for those of us on the spiritual journey is, "What do we do with our feelings of frustration, anxiety, upset, or fear?"

If you're anything like me, when some kind of discomfort or anxiety or pain shows up in your life, one of your first thoughts may be, "I've got to make this bad feeling GO AWAY!"  Some of us go into "fight" mode, and we try to force the bad feeling to go away.  Others of us shift into "flight" mode, and we try to run far away from the bad feelings.  Others of us adopt the "freeze" stance, and we think that maybe, if we just stay still and keep our heads down, the trouble will magically go away.  Still others of us go into "I've-got-to-get-my-mind-off-this-any-way-I-can" mode, and we try to distract or deaden ourselves to the pain.

When we find ourselves feeling discomfort or upset or any kind of inner pain, it is easy to think that our primary mission at that point is to MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY any way we can.  But this creates a problem.  The problem is that we can spend our entire lives running away from pain and difficulty and trouble. 
Now before I go further, let me be clear that I am not saying that pain is good.  Not at all.  Anxiety is not good.  Fear is not lovely.  Discomfort is not beautiful.

But what I am saying is that in each of our lives, pain and frustration are unavoidable.  "Life is difficult," as Scott Peck writes in The Road Less Traveled.  Hurt and frustration and discomfort come to all of us.  When we are feeling anxious or upset or frustrated, we may wish that we weren't feeling that way.  But the reality is that we are.  And reality cannot just be wished away.  Reality must be engaged as it is.

Instead of running away from the pain, we can consciously choose to "lean into the sharp points."  Accept the reality that we are troubled.  Lean into the discomfort that person at work is causing you.  Don't run away from the difficulties in our lives, but lean into them.  Some teachers refer to this as "leaning into the sharp points."  One of my own practices is to breathe in the discomfort -- literally, breathe it in, and then breathe out and begin to let it go.  Then if you need to, breathe it in again.  (I usually have to do this breathing exercise multiple times before the discomfort begins to loosen up.  But eventually, it does loosen up.)  In general, we move towards the uneasiness we are feeling, rather than run away from it.

By moving towards the difficulty and leaning into the sharp points of our lives, we begin to relate to these experiences differently.  Instead of being dreaded foes that we must banish from our lives IMMEDIATELY!!!, they can become part of our life experience that may be part of our personal growth.  Instead of living in fear of them, we can relate to them with assertiveness and courage and mercy.

Have you discovered helpful, constructive ways to deal with the frustrations and the discomforts in your life?